People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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