This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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