First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize