Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
