so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
