His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
