Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
