quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
