Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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