So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
