Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
