Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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