yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
