My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
