I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The uberlube is also flammable
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
