Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
