I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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