at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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