I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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