sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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