If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
