K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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