grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
