so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
