if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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