I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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