Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize