The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
