i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
