Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
