if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
