What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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