i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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