So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How does one acquire holy water?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
