Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize