I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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