Reggie can tackle my bush.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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