you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
