Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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