After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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