Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
