Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
