Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
