I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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