We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
