D3 body, D1 cock
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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