its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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