Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
