just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
