I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
