Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize