does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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