My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
