One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
