My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
