community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
