Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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