My underwear smells like fireworks.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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