I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
