you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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