why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
