a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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