I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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