Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
