So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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