member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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