Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
