This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
