The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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