Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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