he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
