go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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