im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
