is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
