There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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