Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the raccoons are back...
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