im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Randomize
