ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
