no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
