My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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