This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
