For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
