I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
