Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
