OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
