you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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